Went to my first TED event today. Tedx Ramallah "Ideas worth spreading" Palestine edition. Today at the Landmark Hotel. I came with no expectations and left early, mostly because I was starving, and I realized that I was not the intended audience. The intended audience was non-believers in the Palestinian cause and the Palestinians themselves. Nevertheless, I was bound to learn something, and I was ultimately glad I went (though the HORS D’OEUVRES left much to be desired)...
"If you dig, you sink, but if you build, you rise." An Arabic saying intended as a message of hope to Palestinians.
"Nothing scares the army more than non-violent action."- a speaker at Tedx Ramallah.
WARNING: THE REST OF THE CONTENT OF THIS POST IS RATED "D" FOR DEPRESSING. IF YOU WANT TO AVOID THINKING ABOUT THE DEFAULT EVILNESS OF THE WORLD, PLEASE CLICK THE STUMBLEUPON BUTTON AND RUN AND HIDE INTERNET-STYLE.
Alice Walker (which in arabic for some reason transliterated into Alise Woooker), the first African American woman to win the Pulitzer Prize spoke today at TEDx. She did so later in the evening after I left, but I made a point to watch the live feed from Beirut. And I made the mistake of having expectations for this one. She compared the struggles of the Palestinians against the Israelis to ethnic struggles in South Africa. She believes they can eventually overcome the hatred that I think constitutes a greater barrier than the fences bordering camps in Palestine. I cannot agree or disagree for lack of ever having felt such hatred.
Then, she referred to her own poor, deep-south, segregated upbringing multiple times as a source of credibility on the topic of suffering. Yes, she pulled the race card, and the interesting part is that she was the first one to pull it. Even the Palestinians who had witnessed first hand the death and destruction that was the topic of the hour didn't express bitterness but rather hope and an attempt at understanding a conflict that is undoubtedly a lose-lose situation with no happy ending in sight.
Rather than impress me, Walker's speech had the opposite effect for me. It made me angry, I felt like it was an affront to anyone who had not suffered as "deeply" as she suffered when she was a child writing letters with a stick in the dirt day in and day out. By bringing up her suffering, it was as if she was saying "Palestinians, I too have suffered, perhaps more than you."
I didn't want to pity this woman and was angry that she was using this emotional appeal. This is when I fully acknowledged that I was not the intended audience. I was glad I had decided to leave early.
She made me feel that somehow, by eating 3 full meals every day and leaving some on the plate, I caused a child in a third world country to starve. I felt like she was bitter about her life, and yet look at how far she had come. Why was she bitter? She overcame adversity and wrote a powerful and acclaimed story. I got the impression that she thought the world still owed her something, and personally there is nothing that could make me more angry.
Responsibility for ones actions aka INTEGRITY is something I value more than anything else. And perhaps this is one quality I share with the Arab people, because a tribal community of people dependent on one another leaves no room for deceit. You do what you say you are going to do or you fall out of favor and lose your credibility. INTEGRITY has gotten me into large amounts of trouble at JHU. It is the part of JHU that I do not miss. I expect my peers, my friends, my teammates, my coworkers to have integrity and this often leads to disappointment because the innate competitiveness of American society and a top Research University means that our generation has been taught that IT IS OKAY TO STEP ON PEOPLE IN ORDER TO WIN. I hail from Illinois, one of the worst offenders (Chicago politics). And this isn't to say that I have never been an offender myself--I've turned in papers late and sometimes my commitments conflict--but I always take responsibilities for my mistakes.
The people that hold to their commitments and take responsibility for their actions; the ones that don't focus on blame and excuses but rather honesty and mutual respect are the people I respect the most--they constitute genuine people. And there are plenty out there. And luckily, the nature of a study abroad program (shared values of self-improvement, a healthy curiosity and integrity) is such that it is full of genuine people.
I am so sorry to preach at you, that is not my intention. Lately I have been stuck, and writing is the perfect outlet. A smart man named Meneken once said
So here it goes ...
I need a vacation from my "vacation". I don't quite want to be here, with this constant identity crisis, and I don't quite want to be at Hopkins where people are more dedicated to maintaining their reputations and securing their careers than they are to themselves. And right now disillusionment with the world is at its peak. "It's a jungle out there" to quote Monk. One of my dear friends on the program was sexually assaulted in Petra and I was one of the first few to be entrusted with this knowledge. In retrospect, I am thankful for the learning experience, though as I reflected in a previous post, it is not easy to look at these events as learning experiences and not setbacks and It has been the source of much reflection (which I will touch on here).
The perpetrator has been caught and publicly shamed. Yet, discomfort lingers: there is not enough justice. Not until every man in the world knows that it is not okay to objectify a woman. Not until respect between human beings is MUTUAL and global. But there will never be justice and now I know why someone said "You don't need to change the world - only your little corner of it" because evil, chaos, and darkness quite sadly constitute the default of the world and we are blessed with a choice to take it or leave it. I have committed to fighting it. Just me and my copy of the Desiderata.
But it's moments like these that eat at me. And every time I start to re-believe in the innate goodness of people, it seems that I get slapped in the face (my stolen cell phone, the sexual assault...). Yet, I cannot deny the goodness, because it is there (the Baltimoreans that made the effort to return my cell phone, Arab men helping me with directions) but there is certainly less goodness or at least goodness of a different nature over here in the Middle East. Well, I hate to say it, but I have affirmed that I like my corner of the world better, and I am sick of not being able to control factors my environment. I am quite sick of sharing a room with 2 others. I am sick of the TV. I am sick of all the yelling which is the default of communication around here. The only components of Arab food that I can still stomach as a glutard post-food poisoning are fresh veggies and cheese. I want my stuff to be exactly that-my stuff- once more. I am sick of men staring a second--no, a minute--too long. Lastly, I am tired of fighting the impulse to stereotype all Arab men as inconsiderate assholes. Yes, there are bad people with no morals who are going to rob you in every country, but at least in America it is rude to stare with your mouth open, dirty thoughts, and insensitive words on a loose tongue. Welcome to Jordan, my ass! And literally, you feel like the only part of your body that is welcome is your ass on a daily basis. I wrote the following haiku to reiterate my current dilemma:
Dark thoughts will pass
But I am sick of feeling
like I am my ass.
"Our last freedom which can never be torn away and towards which it behoves us to take responsibility, is the freedom of our attitude to our suffering."- Victor Frankl, Holocaust Survivor. This appeared in a book I am reading, and I found it applicable.
Whenever we (SIT Tribe) embarrass ourselves, we take to asking "Wayne dignity?" (where is the dignity?) It's become somewhat of a life quest for dignity and identity in a part of the world where citizenship and religious identity are more important than morals and ethics. One speaker today professed to have found it--in the faces of the Palestinians who chose to remain in their homeland despite being defaced and displaced.
khalus.
"If you dig, you sink, but if you build, you rise." An Arabic saying intended as a message of hope to Palestinians.
"Nothing scares the army more than non-violent action."- a speaker at Tedx Ramallah.
WARNING: THE REST OF THE CONTENT OF THIS POST IS RATED "D" FOR DEPRESSING. IF YOU WANT TO AVOID THINKING ABOUT THE DEFAULT EVILNESS OF THE WORLD, PLEASE CLICK THE STUMBLEUPON BUTTON AND RUN AND HIDE INTERNET-STYLE.
Alice Walker (which in arabic for some reason transliterated into Alise Woooker), the first African American woman to win the Pulitzer Prize spoke today at TEDx. She did so later in the evening after I left, but I made a point to watch the live feed from Beirut. And I made the mistake of having expectations for this one. She compared the struggles of the Palestinians against the Israelis to ethnic struggles in South Africa. She believes they can eventually overcome the hatred that I think constitutes a greater barrier than the fences bordering camps in Palestine. I cannot agree or disagree for lack of ever having felt such hatred.
Then, she referred to her own poor, deep-south, segregated upbringing multiple times as a source of credibility on the topic of suffering. Yes, she pulled the race card, and the interesting part is that she was the first one to pull it. Even the Palestinians who had witnessed first hand the death and destruction that was the topic of the hour didn't express bitterness but rather hope and an attempt at understanding a conflict that is undoubtedly a lose-lose situation with no happy ending in sight.
Rather than impress me, Walker's speech had the opposite effect for me. It made me angry, I felt like it was an affront to anyone who had not suffered as "deeply" as she suffered when she was a child writing letters with a stick in the dirt day in and day out. By bringing up her suffering, it was as if she was saying "Palestinians, I too have suffered, perhaps more than you."
I didn't want to pity this woman and was angry that she was using this emotional appeal. This is when I fully acknowledged that I was not the intended audience. I was glad I had decided to leave early.
She made me feel that somehow, by eating 3 full meals every day and leaving some on the plate, I caused a child in a third world country to starve. I felt like she was bitter about her life, and yet look at how far she had come. Why was she bitter? She overcame adversity and wrote a powerful and acclaimed story. I got the impression that she thought the world still owed her something, and personally there is nothing that could make me more angry.
Responsibility for ones actions aka INTEGRITY is something I value more than anything else. And perhaps this is one quality I share with the Arab people, because a tribal community of people dependent on one another leaves no room for deceit. You do what you say you are going to do or you fall out of favor and lose your credibility. INTEGRITY has gotten me into large amounts of trouble at JHU. It is the part of JHU that I do not miss. I expect my peers, my friends, my teammates, my coworkers to have integrity and this often leads to disappointment because the innate competitiveness of American society and a top Research University means that our generation has been taught that IT IS OKAY TO STEP ON PEOPLE IN ORDER TO WIN. I hail from Illinois, one of the worst offenders (Chicago politics). And this isn't to say that I have never been an offender myself--I've turned in papers late and sometimes my commitments conflict--but I always take responsibilities for my mistakes.
The people that hold to their commitments and take responsibility for their actions; the ones that don't focus on blame and excuses but rather honesty and mutual respect are the people I respect the most--they constitute genuine people. And there are plenty out there. And luckily, the nature of a study abroad program (shared values of self-improvement, a healthy curiosity and integrity) is such that it is full of genuine people.
I am so sorry to preach at you, that is not my intention. Lately I have been stuck, and writing is the perfect outlet. A smart man named Meneken once said
I write in order to attain that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk.
So here it goes ...
I need a vacation from my "vacation". I don't quite want to be here, with this constant identity crisis, and I don't quite want to be at Hopkins where people are more dedicated to maintaining their reputations and securing their careers than they are to themselves. And right now disillusionment with the world is at its peak. "It's a jungle out there" to quote Monk. One of my dear friends on the program was sexually assaulted in Petra and I was one of the first few to be entrusted with this knowledge. In retrospect, I am thankful for the learning experience, though as I reflected in a previous post, it is not easy to look at these events as learning experiences and not setbacks and It has been the source of much reflection (which I will touch on here).
The perpetrator has been caught and publicly shamed. Yet, discomfort lingers: there is not enough justice. Not until every man in the world knows that it is not okay to objectify a woman. Not until respect between human beings is MUTUAL and global. But there will never be justice and now I know why someone said "You don't need to change the world - only your little corner of it" because evil, chaos, and darkness quite sadly constitute the default of the world and we are blessed with a choice to take it or leave it. I have committed to fighting it. Just me and my copy of the Desiderata.
But it's moments like these that eat at me. And every time I start to re-believe in the innate goodness of people, it seems that I get slapped in the face (my stolen cell phone, the sexual assault...). Yet, I cannot deny the goodness, because it is there (the Baltimoreans that made the effort to return my cell phone, Arab men helping me with directions) but there is certainly less goodness or at least goodness of a different nature over here in the Middle East. Well, I hate to say it, but I have affirmed that I like my corner of the world better, and I am sick of not being able to control factors my environment. I am quite sick of sharing a room with 2 others. I am sick of the TV. I am sick of all the yelling which is the default of communication around here. The only components of Arab food that I can still stomach as a glutard post-food poisoning are fresh veggies and cheese. I want my stuff to be exactly that-my stuff- once more. I am sick of men staring a second--no, a minute--too long. Lastly, I am tired of fighting the impulse to stereotype all Arab men as inconsiderate assholes. Yes, there are bad people with no morals who are going to rob you in every country, but at least in America it is rude to stare with your mouth open, dirty thoughts, and insensitive words on a loose tongue. Welcome to Jordan, my ass! And literally, you feel like the only part of your body that is welcome is your ass on a daily basis. I wrote the following haiku to reiterate my current dilemma:
Dark thoughts will pass
But I am sick of feeling
like I am my ass.
"Our last freedom which can never be torn away and towards which it behoves us to take responsibility, is the freedom of our attitude to our suffering."- Victor Frankl, Holocaust Survivor. This appeared in a book I am reading, and I found it applicable.
Whenever we (SIT Tribe) embarrass ourselves, we take to asking "Wayne dignity?" (where is the dignity?) It's become somewhat of a life quest for dignity and identity in a part of the world where citizenship and religious identity are more important than morals and ethics. One speaker today professed to have found it--in the faces of the Palestinians who chose to remain in their homeland despite being defaced and displaced.
khalus.
Quisque suos patimur Manes.
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